(recording clicks on)

Wafts of smoke drift through the office, haunting it. He doesn't have candles here usually, too much paperwork for the secretary to sift through; the candles here that burn are tall, foaming from antique chandelier-style beams on either side of his desk, mesh net below them drawing Sierpinski-shaped cobwebs on the floor.

She has been here. He questions why the broad didn't just stay.

She was making him wait.

At least the chair's comfortable. He's stiff, passive-aggressive, muscles rolled back, hat on. This is the face of Orlok Entertainment LLC, high roller, chief executive officer. Exposed musculature lends to a taut silhouette, sleazy fingers tapping on the desk next to her letter. “Ancient-crypt”, this-that. The candles had a resinous, olfactory tilt, leaving a trail that meandered up, up, into the ceiling; balsamic, smoky. She wanted him to smell her before he saw her, it was apparent, a kind of discursive foreplay. At the casinos in Vegas they did the same thing before they sat down to play blackjack and poker and what-have-you, eyeing up your opponent. Tennessee was a far cry from the voyeured stretches of the Nevada desert, that fantastic starved expanse, licking at his heels with sand. Yes, yes, he missed it dearly. Blackjack and hookers and the boundless sublime. She wanted him to think of the past. He understood her a little more dimly now, ms. Reliquia. He tried it out on his tongue, he said it once, twice, thrice. The only noise in the space besides the hissing of the wick, she hadn't trimmed it before she lit it. Maybe she did that to annoy him. Gutsy broad, treacherous knight on his land.

He needed this to settle quickly, he needed to mine. He'd tear down the whole fucking thing if she hadn't scared his contractors that badly. He was the only one that could have them scared like that, it was his enterprise. A houseless hipster and he was a jack of all trades. He'd have laughed her out of the building if she hadn't already been here. Who the fuck did she think she was? The frustration was making him swell uncomfortably, muscles tight, ugh, breathe.

Reliquia
Have I unsettled you?

She was here, across from him. Whetted limbs, avian in posture; a deep, kind of ambiguously American voice filtered through a bird-like knight helmet. Save for the edges of her armor being slightly too-sharp, she was fully androgynous, sitting sideways in the desk chair so that her limbs hung over the arms of the chair. Orlok could vaguely surmise that the person inside the set of armor was smaller than the set of armor itself, given by its lopsided sway. The bohemian had probably found it in the crypt and appropriated it for herself.

Orlok
No, LOSER. I'm not unsettled by LOSERS.
Reliquia
Can you not pronounce my name?

Orlok
Of course I can.

Reliquia
Go on.

Orlok
I'm just not choosing to say it, because-

Reliquia
You're afraid of a loser.

Orlok
(snappy, forced) Reliquia.

Reliquia
(amused, she swivels her body so she's sitting normally, eye to eye with him) Now you're following what the loser is telling you to do. Your employees do that often?

Orlok
Real FUNNY. You should do stand-up.

Reliquia
Eh, no one shows up. The Pacific Northwest isn't a popular tourist destination for blackjack and hookers. I'm curious why you're so desperate for land dead in the water.

Orlok
BECAUSE I paid four-hundred thousand dollars for it, that's why. I'm curious as to why you're being such a pain in the ass right now.

Reliquia
My money, my land, my crypt.

Orlok
YOUR LAND? YOUR CRYPT? Uh, hello? Earth to Reliquia? Did you not hear what I just said? I paid four-hundred thousand dollars for that land. It is MINE. PINHEAD.

Reliquia
Fink.

Orlok
Broad.

Reliquia
Business partner.

His whole body swells, involuntary ego. Venus, by Frankie Avalon.

Orlok
What makes you think I'd want to work with you? What do you take me for? (He pauses for a moment before leaning back in his chair, pressing the tips of his long skeletal fingers together.) But if I were to work with someone like you. (He leans forward.) What would you have in mind?

He lights her cigarette while she cups her mouth. She puffs, shallow exhales, stubs it on a glass ashtray shaped like the ridges of Orlok's gristly face. He watches her do something so human for her appearance, intrigued, wondering. She kicks up her feet on the desk, annoying him, but he can't argue. One of her boots tips up into his chin.

Reliquia
The crypt stays.

Orlok
(He rolls his non-existent eyes, covered by his sunglasses.) I'll just build around your stupid clubhouse. I couldn't give any less of a crap about what is in that crappy hovel. (getting ahead of himself, thinking out loud as Reliquia drops her heels down)

Reliquia
You're going to extend your life, only to spend it in jail.

Orlok
Extend my life? (If he had a collar, he'd be pulling on it.) What are you talking about? And what about jail? You don't plan on going to the EPA with this, do you? Look, I'll share some with you. NOT all of it, just a little.

Reliquia
I've had no use for it. I enjoy my life. I've stayed living.

Orlok
I have bigger ambitions. (hands spread out, salivating) I patented it... ORLOKIUM. And it's MINE. And NO ONE ELSE can have it.

Reliquia
(studying him) And that's how I pay you back? For existing on land you bought?

Orlok
Well... NO... you could have a slice of my empire. You and your... PREMONITIONS. And your CRYPT. And your BREAKING and ENTERING to put in candles... You aren't completely useless to me... With your premonitions and inexplicable skill in breaking and entering... (He ponders for a moment) just to put a bunch of candles in my office... (He mumbles to himself) Yes... You could serve me and my commercial empire very well.

Reliquia
Now the whole room smells like me.

Orlok
Yes... like the BOG...

Reliquia
Nicer than dirty money. I don't mind the smell. It's pungent, but you can protect the CRYPT with it. And in return I'll let you dig for your- little life extending crystals.

Orlok
Humph. (..) I suppose so... YES.... I could see that. (faltering) Yes, I suppose it smells nice in here. I GUESS. (He pauses for a moment.) As I was saying... Before you rudely interrupted me... Orlok Entertainment is a legitimate business. BUT... Regardless, If that's all it will take to keep y-

Reliquia
(content hum) Are your bones crackly?

Orlok
I'm of good health, excuse YOU. You'd be of good mind to avoid saying NASTY THINGS about other people's appearance, what with wearing that armor all the time.

(recording cuts off)